Rough day

[gwheels]

Hey this is just to say we all have rough days. Before my wife got sick i was a giant dick driving a car and now i look at things different. Because life is too damned short and that dude could be a dick or he could be someone facing loss.
And you dont think right.
It has been a long time since i woke up sad. This morning I woke up bone crushing sad. We were Packers fans for life and that home opener was fine but trigger shit in me that came out this morning.
SAD. soul sapping dont undertand sad...Her birthday is coming up and 3 years doesnt lessen the pain a lot.
I am remarried and glad to be with a widow. Because this is the kind of thing many would not understand. Loss manifest in something I can not understand....3 years after the fact.
I guess it is good in a way. It shows how much we loved each other. But she aint here and i hate puzzles so i use a hammer and mash in the pieces.
I better understand now how people could be having a bad day. Road rage is stupid.
I will be fine. This is just grief being grief. It doesnt really ever go away and sometimes it will surprise you.
And my kid lost his mom. There is perspective.
Sorry if this is a downer. Life is good and bad and i am on the right side of the ground.

 

[Gweedo]

Not a downer man just deep insight into what makes us all tick, venting it always seems to help, terribly sorry for your families loss sir, and hope you get to "higher" spirits brother, try and have a good day

 

[Cobzilla]

Peace be with you bro.. better days await you.. lost my sis in january.. some days i get made as hell and my emotions are all over the place because it seemed so unfair.. sometimes i get super sad and bummed out.. i eventually went to my doc to help me with the drastic mood swings.. got a script and it helped me be a much better husband, dad, and employee.. not so mad and angry at the world anymore.. dont hesitate or be embarrassed to ask for help.. mental health is nothing to leave unattended.. i wish you happiness and peace of mind brother..

 

[Hydro]

Hey this is just to say we all have rough days. Before my wife got sick i was a giant dick driving a car and now i look at things different. Because life is too damned short and that dude could be a dick or he could be someone facing loss.
And you dont think right.
It has been a long time since i woke up sad. This morning I woke up bone crushing sad. We were Packers fans for life and that home opener was fine but trigger shit in me that came out this morning.
SAD. soul sapping dont undertand sad...Her birthday is coming up and 3 years doesnt lessen the pain a lot.
I am remarried and glad to be with a widow. Because this is the kind of thing many would not understand. Loss manifest in something I can not understand....3 years after the fact.
I guess it is good in a way. It shows how much we loved each other. But she aint here and i hate puzzles so i use a hammer and mash in the pieces.
I better understand now how people could be having a bad day. Road rage is stupid.
I will be fine. This is just grief being grief. It doesnt really ever go away and sometimes it will surprise you.
And my kid lost his mom. There is perspective.
Sorry if this is a downer. Life is good and bad and i am on the right side of the ground.

I know this is cliche as hell, but time really does heal all wounds. Use the positives in your life to overshadow the lows. Im sorry to hear of anyones loss, as its something I am all too familiar with myself. Its admirable of you to remember, but I dont believe anyone who loved you would want you to dwell on their passing.
Heres to hoping the fog lifts quickly for you my friend.

 

[gwheels]

Its over for now...And the Packers are 1-0 and i am glad i went to bed at half time.

 

[Capt C]

Hey this is just to say we all have rough days. Before my wife got sick i was a giant dick driving a car and now i look at things different. Because life is too damned short and that dude could be a dick or he could be someone facing loss.
And you dont think right.
It has been a long time since i woke up sad. This morning I woke up bone crushing sad. We were Packers fans for life and that home opener was fine but trigger shit in me that came out this morning.
SAD. soul sapping dont undertand sad...Her birthday is coming up and 3 years doesnt lessen the pain a lot.
I am remarried and glad to be with a widow. Because this is the kind of thing many would not understand. Loss manifest in something I can not understand....3 years after the fact.
I guess it is good in a way. It shows how much we loved each other. But she aint here and i hate puzzles so i use a hammer and mash in the pieces.
I better understand now how people could be having a bad day. Road rage is stupid.
I will be fine. This is just grief being grief. It doesnt really ever go away and sometimes it will surprise you.
And my kid lost his mom. There is perspective.
Sorry if this is a downer. Life is good and bad and i am on the right side of the ground.

@gwheels you are right about the grief never going away. The thoughts will become less frequent with time. How you choose to deal with the grief can really influence the rest of your life. Sort of like a speed bump you just have to slow down and deal with it then move on. Tomorrow is a brand new day just look around you and all that you are blessed with. Go Packers!

 

[gwheels]

@gwheels you are right about the grief never going away. The thoughts will become less frequent with time. How you choose to deal with the grief can really influence the rest of your life. Sort of like a speed bump you just have to slow down and deal with it then move on. Tomorrow is a brand new day just look around you and all that you are blessed with. Go Packers!

You pretty much mailed it amigo. Go Packers...1-0

 

[Capt C]

You pretty much mailed it amigo. Go Packers...1-0

I could only stay up till half time as well. I thought old Rodgers looked good. That dude invented the word cool in the pocket

 

[spyralout]

I could only stay up till half time as well. I thought old Rodgers looked good. That dude invented the word cool in the pocket

Not a packers or anything fan. But Aaron Rodgers is the most talented QB ever. If I had a choice of which games to watch it would be the packers just to see that guy work magic. 3 spot on hail marys in 2 years? Pfft...give him one more weapon besides Davante Adams and they'll be dangerous.

 

[Deleted member 60]

Crazy how the smallest things or something out of the blue just levels you on the spot.....no warning.

I was explaining to a couple of my neighbors last week >how I used to be< on many fronts...mostly on the aggressive/prick/dumbass side of the coin....and your take on "road rage" hit home here big time @gwheels.
I used to keep a baseball bat behind the seat...cus..yeah....you didn't cut me off or flip me off without me takin the time to simply follow you...wherever you were going...and be >that< asshole we all know.

Then my son died.....and it all changed. The first few times I drove anywhere...I had that "how did I get here" thing happen when I arrived. Something would trigger the memories....and BAM....I'd be in the movie of my past....all playing out before me...and fully on autopilot behind the wheel.

so i'm the same way now. A complete 180 from coming at you all crazy with my bat....to dissecting the moment and thinking how that guy who just cut me off may have been feeling...or not feeling...and WTF may have caused him to no pay any attention to anyone else.... and not instantly going for the negative and that all-too-familiar thing these days where folks think other people are simply out to get them...on purpose...24/7.

so I get it....and I feel for ya...and i find myself thinking about someone and feeling a tear well up about them...even though I didn't know that person who was loved ohhhh....so much...... and how ...sometimes...we just have to tighten that buckle a bit more and hang on a bit tighter......

And for me...time heals nothing.....it only makes the unthinkable more familiar.

 

[GetOffMyNutes]

Rodgers is the most talented QB ever??? one of the best I'll give you...
The surprise out out that game was the Packer Defense...they got they MVP of that game.

 

[Dirtbag]

Gwheels,.. my sincere condolences for your loss. That's got to be one of the hardest things anyone has to live with.

I fully understand your description of grief and how it sneaks up on you, and how these kinds of stressful events change how you interact with the world.

I also used to be a bit of a hothead, but that changed not long after I became a first responder and began dealing with grief and loss on a daily basis. It wasnt usually my loss but I'd still take it home with me and bury it deep down, only for it to resurface when I least expected it too. I lost a good friend and fellow firefighter on my crew a couple years ago when he was killed, ran over by a high driver while jogging... Driver was on heroin. I was first on scene and had to work on him despite knowing damn well he was gone. That incident comes back and hits me really hard sometimes and just shuts me down. Sometimes for days.. Life is really fukkin hard sometimes. Weed helps lol.

 

[TerpyTyrone]

Sorry for your loss.
I'm happy you had the chance to fund that someone! Some of us never find her.
Luckily I did. She saved my life.
Remember the good times brother! I'm sure you have many fond memories and a child to remind you everyday.

 

[SSGrower]

Peace be with you and the souls of your loved ones.

 

[Bodyne]

sorry for your loss. Death and grief have changed me in last 10 yrs. Everyone on maternal side, same as paternal, cept for some cousins. Watched my granny bury all four of her kids. Gone. Friends, some expected, some not. Never blessed with children, always wanted em. Stay busy and keep growin bout all the advice I got, I do nothing but think of regrets with all that time heals thingie. I try to stay a bit spiritual inside, but thats just me, not for everyone. And a dog. High hopes says Sammy Hagar. Wish you well in your troubled times, friend.

 

[gwheels]

Thanks to all...today is another day and I woke up feeling good about it.
The garden really helps me level out and get a sweat on.
Grief is back in its box.

 

[SoLowDoughLow]

Thankfully, I haven't experienced the level of loss that some of u guys have, but I recently lost a cousin, who was also like a best friend, and I was hoping to maybe get some kind of sign from him after death, anything, but nope... I really struggle with having any kind of faith, and i'm more the type who says, I'll try to believe in god just in case, but deep down my gut feeling says it's all fake...

I hope I don't sound rude, and not trying to hijack your thread, but if u wanna know my exact feelings please give this song a listen, and if anyone has anything they wanna share to restore my faith, i'm all ears... I look at the world around us and can't see any reason a loving god would let any of this bullshit happen...

 

[Deleted member 60]

I'm right there with ya. I can't "worship" anyone or anything that may have had a hand in taking my son.

IF there is a God we will certainly talk at those Pearly gates and if he says "You are going to Hell because you shunned me..." I'll have to respond "Sorry Fucker...I've already been to/am living in Hell without my kid...so what-the fuck-ever, Jackson...what-the-fuck ever...you bitch."

 

[SoLowDoughLow]

I'm right there with ya. I can't "worship" anyone or anything that may have had a hand in taking my son.

IF there is a God we will certainly talk at those Pearly gates and if he says "You are going to Hell because you shunned me..." I'll have to respond "Sorry Fucker...I've already been to/am living in Hell without my kid...so what-the fuck-ever, Jackson...what-the-fuck ever...you bitch."

Btw, that's good shit man! Really digging it after a couple listens

 

[SSGrower]

Thankfully, I haven't experienced the level of loss that some of u guys have, but I recently lost a cousin, who was also like a best friend, and I was hoping to maybe get some kind of sign from him after death, anything, but nope... I really struggle with having any kind of faith, and i'm more the type who says, I'll try to believe in god just in case, but deep down my gut feeling says it's all fake...

I hope I don't sound rude, and not trying to hijack your thread, but if u wanna know my exact feelings please give this song a listen, and if anyone has anything they wanna share to restore my faith, i'm all ears... I look at the world around us and can't see any reason a loving god would let any of this bullshit happen...

I follow the idea of a watchmaker. It was built, wound and is ticking down. Only the final time is not determined (ie picture of the world, universe, whatever). There is an explaination to be had but death does not play a role.

Basically I think the way to say it is Im agnostic.