What did you do today?

Erick31876

Erick31876

Solo cup champion 2019
Jesselikes2Grow said:
What I get to do today is the first court date for the divorce nonsense I'm going through. Less than 2 hrs to go.
Hands are shaky, head spinning and anxiety levels through the roof.
Hard to even type without typos right now.
FML
Another step towards the finish line though, one step closer to this being over. Yay for that!!!

"Who could ask for anything more?" Potgrowa!!!
Click to expand...
Good luck @Jesselikes2Grow
 
Erick31876

Erick31876

Solo cup champion 2019
stiickygreen said:
Ridin' the BIG wave here today. May is a motherfucker of a month here as far as emotions and reality hitting full force.

Sunday was obviously "Mother's Day"....

today is the 8th anniversary of losing my oldest son. He would be 29 now.....

tomorrow is our 38th anniversary.

On some years all 3 days line up in a row..... either way...it's a motherfucker of a roller coaster ride every year.... right up there with birthdays, holidays, and all the rest of those "special" days that twist the fuckin knife.

Some of you guys are probably close to his age. You woulda liked him....he loved to get high...was learning to grow....and was a glass blower...among other things.

It all fucks my head up everyday....but it is what it is. I'd give up everything I have to change it or to be able to go back to the way it was. It's all given me a perspective I didn't want and an experience I relive far too often that no one should have to experience.

I know there are others here who have lost...some have reached out to me. Much respect to all of you.

View attachment 6440

I love you my son.
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@stiickygreen , im sorry for your loss. If you ever need to talk im here.. i know how your feeling right now and its hard. Especially pn holidays and special days like anniversaries and birthdays. Just remember hes looking down on you smiling. Keep him in your heart and he will always be with you
 
Capt C

Capt C

Saltwater Cowboy
stiickygreen said:
Ridin' the BIG wave here today. May is a motherfucker of a month here as far as emotions and reality hitting full force.

Sunday was obviously "Mother's Day"....

today is the 8th anniversary of losing my oldest son. He would be 29 now.....

tomorrow is our 38th anniversary.

On some years all 3 days line up in a row..... either way...it's a motherfucker of a roller coaster ride every year.... right up there with birthdays, holidays, and all the rest of those "special" days that twist the fuckin knife.

Some of you guys are probably close to his age. You woulda liked him....he loved to get high...was learning to grow....and was a glass blower...among other things.

It all fucks my head up everyday....but it is what it is. I'd give up everything I have to change it or to be able to go back to the way it was. It's all given me a perspective I didn't want and an experience I relive far too often that no one should have to experience.

I know there are others here who have lost...some have reached out to me. Much respect to all of you.

View attachment 6440

I love you my son.
Click to expand...
Hope you can find some peace today and everyday.
 
Capt C

Capt C

Saltwater Cowboy
I almost never had a job or business that i could call in sick. When i was a youngster i was working for a guy that would not let you call in sick. If you were actually to sick to work he would make you set out in the truck and drink rock & rye whiskey. In the fishing business some trips were booked months in advance. Always figured the least i could do is show up.
 
D

Deleted member 60

Guest
Thanks man. I hope your day didn't bring any crazy surprises.

It doesn't get easier here....it just gets more familiar. I try not to think about all of the ramifications or I tend to fall into the abyss. It does make it easier to blow shit off and peg what is/isn't truly important. Those >life changing< events take their toll.....the daily hassles and BS just don't.

Spent the day self-absorbed in projects and enjoying where I am in in my life spite of it all.
 
SaintyMcCunt

SaintyMcCunt

The Convict
stiickygreen said:
Ridin' the BIG wave here today. May is a motherfucker of a month here as far as emotions and reality hitting full force.

Sunday was obviously "Mother's Day"....

today is the 8th anniversary of losing my oldest son. He would be 29 now.....

tomorrow is our 38th anniversary.

On some years all 3 days line up in a row..... either way...it's a motherfucker of a roller coaster ride every year.... right up there with birthdays, holidays, and all the rest of those "special" days that twist the fuckin knife.

Some of you guys are probably close to his age. You woulda liked him....he loved to get high...was learning to grow....and was a glass blower...among other things.

It all fucks my head up everyday....but it is what it is. I'd give up everything I have to change it or to be able to go back to the way it was. It's all given me a perspective I didn't want and an experience I relive far too often that no one should have to experience.

I know there are others here who have lost...some have reached out to me. Much respect to all of you.

View attachment 6440

I love you my son.
Click to expand...
I'm not sure I have to words to express how I feel mate. What I do know is that it's against the natural order to bury a son.. Im only a few years older than him myself..

I won't apologise for your loss, my words don't mean anything..
What I will do is roll a fatty and spark it up in honour of your son and you're never ending struggle with it..

Reach out to me anytime mate, I'm probably not good for advice but I can listen
 
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Capt C

Capt C

Saltwater Cowboy
stiickygreen said:
Thanks man. I hope your day didn't bring any crazy surprises.

It doesn't get easier here....it just gets more familiar. I try not to think about all of the ramifications or I tend to fall into the abyss. It does make it easier to blow shit off and peg what is/isn't truly important. Those >life changing< events take their toll.....the daily hassles and BS just don't.

Spent the day self-absorbed in projects and enjoying where I am in in my life spite of it all.
Click to expand...
I know i love having my garden to help me heal mentally and physically. Amazing plant.
 
D

Deleted member 60

Guest
Never underestimate your words folks...but when shit gets truly bad for someone you know and love....you hit on the key thing you can do when you feel nothing can be done..... and that is to LISTEN. My wife says "Be a heart with ears".

The garden does help...both veggies and weed. It's easy to overdo things on all fronts though. Too much time on my hands and all of that. Thankfully I'm old enough and have done enough stupid shit along the way with drugs and drink that I knew better than to self-destruct on that path. Nothing in my world ever hit my so hard or changed things/me so much. Lost my dad since then..and my brother..and my nephew....and 4 dogs and a cat.... and none of that hit me nearly as hard as losing my son. I view all of it differently now...like most everything else...
 
Erick31876

Erick31876

Solo cup champion 2019
stiickygreen said:
Never underestimate your words folks...but when shit gets truly bad for someone you know and love....you hit on the key thing you can do when you feel nothing can be done..... and that is to LISTEN. My wife says "Be a heart with ears".

The garden does help...both veggies and weed. It's easy to overdo things on all fronts though. Too much time on my hands and all of that. Thankfully I'm old enough and have done enough stupid shit along the way with drugs and drink that I knew better than to self-destruct on that path. Nothing in my world ever hit my so hard or changed things/me so much. Lost my dad since then..and my brother..and my nephew....and 4 dogs and a cat.... and none of that hit me nearly as hard as losing my son. I view all of it differently now...like most everything else...
Click to expand...
That is very strong words that your wife told you to be a heart with ears.
 
Capt C

Capt C

Saltwater Cowboy
stiickygreen said:
Never underestimate your words folks...but when shit gets truly bad for someone you know and love....you hit on the key thing you can do when you feel nothing can be done..... and that is to LISTEN. My wife says "Be a heart with ears".

The garden does help...both veggies and weed. It's easy to overdo things on all fronts though. Too much time on my hands and all of that. Thankfully I'm old enough and have done enough stupid shit along the way with drugs and drink that I knew better than to self-destruct on that path. Nothing in my world ever hit my so hard or changed things/me so much. Lost my dad since then..and my brother..and my nephew....and 4 dogs and a cat.... and none of that hit me nearly as hard as losing my son. I view all of it differently now...like most everything else...
Click to expand...
The worst thing about cyber friends is sometimes they just go away with no explanation. I know a lot of you remember@Tangerine from RIU. She spoke to of the loss of her daughter. She was very raw with grief. We pmed from time to time. Couple months ago she just drop out of sight. I hope she is ok. Grief will consume you if you let it.
 
D

Deleted member 60

Guest
Capt C said:
Grief will consume you if you let it.
Click to expand...
It will consume you regardless. I had no control over any of it. I spent 2 years "in the syrup"....every move in slow-mo.....every thought so clouded I couldn't do shit but sit/stare/cry/wish I was fucking dead. I dunno what chemicals we have inside us..but they are THE strongest drugs I've ever been on....and the longest lasting as well. Just insane shit....

Much respect to those walking the path. For those who aren't...don;t fret...sadly...your turn on the ride will come soon enough....
 
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